Bucking up

After reading a number of my classmate's blogs, I'm GOING TO POST MY POEM. This is my challenge zone, so be gentle... or silent. :) Either works.

The Family Sauna

I trudge through the snow to my sanctuary.
The hairs in my nose freeze and thaw with my breath
Stars glitter above and a lone satellite sweeps the heavens
I approach the rustic building with anticipation.

The door opens and my bare skin instantly warms as though seared.
I take a deep breath and my nose burns with the dry heat.
Darkness envelops me, pierced by the light of one lone candle
I start to sweat.

The stress and exhaustion melt from my body and weep from my pores.
The wood around me releases a warm, toasty smell.
I take a ladle full of water and dump it on the hot rocks.
A wave of steam washes over me.

Outside, the sweat runs in streams and falls to the ground where it freezes.
Steam rises from my skin and obscures the stars above.
I stand barefoot and naked in the snow as though reborn.
I roll in the snow as though baptized.

Chipper

After a great weekend, I am excited to be here. I'm well-rested and I've finally settled into a good routine. I know what to bring in the morning. I can make it out the door in time. To my surprise... maybe shock, I've found all the connection/relaxation techniques to be invading my personal life. I've realized that I have lost my center in the last decade or so... perhaps longer? In any case, I feel as though I've seen or noticed more wildlife in my personal time in the last 2 weeks (despite the distinct lack of personal time) than I have in the last six months. It might be my imagination, or the time of year. Whatever the case, I was treated with a visit from a hummingbird who sat very still while I watched her this weekend.

I spent a good deal of the weekend working on my pedagogy, which I know needs a lot of work, but I'm a re-writer, so I was trying not to stress about it too much. The upshot is that I've really begun to question my personal motivations and choices. I hope this doesn't send me into identity crisis mode. We'll see.

Or group project roles along and I am completely energized by the idea that someone might ACTUALLY be able to use our work. That is the most rewarding part of this process. I've always been the one who says, "but WHY am I doing this." I will always be that way, so this project is much easier for me. And it emphasizes my weaknesses and gives me practice at doing lesson plans!

rolling along

In my mind, the project really seemed to get rolling today. I feel like things are solidifying. Our larger group has broken up into a couple smaller groups. My mini group spent some time in the field observing our sites. The most exciting part happened at Katherine's site where a pair of unidentified birds were chattering and chasing a pair of blue jays. We spent several minutes watching them and then another several trying to find the unidentified birds to get a closer look. I think we may have been fooled into thinking they were larger than they really are in their agitated state.

In working on my pedagogy, I have started trying to relate my area of interest to my philosophy, so this thought process seems somewhat pivotal right now. I'm glad tomorrow is the last day of class this week. I need time to ponder... and sleep.

I'm Finnish

We don't talk about our feelings.

Today we started talking about our core belief. For as long as I can remember, I have had the superstition that I can project my thoughts on others, so thinking in company can be nerve-wracking for me. Of course, my husband encourages this superstition by regularly iterating what I've been privately thinking after extended periods of silence... Anyhow, asking the why question makes me thinking of the little boy on the plane behind us on a flight to London, in the most adorable english accent, "but Daddy, WHY?"

Prior to that somewhat unnerving exercise, we had 3 reading facilitations. I did mine onthe second chapter of Wessells: Junipers and Weird Apples. I focused on the stone wall portion and it really wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. I took pictures of the bizarro stone walls on my property and we dissected them. Thanks to everyone for being so patient with me!

We also picked our project groups- GO TEAM BARRINGTON NAVIGATORS!!!

Sit down

Almost 2 years ago now, I left the pharmaceutical industry and since then, I have been housewife, parttime coding supervisor, errand girl, firewood getter, and gardener. Sitting still has been sinful and slovenly. Any spare minute where I would sit in my chair and look out at the mountains was riddled with guilt. Changing this mentality has been the first adjustment in this Summer Institute. It seems that several times a day, someone is asking me to sit, zen like, brain blank, listen, observe. In the meantime, the lists of tasks for when I get home lengthen and become convoluted the longer I'm allowed to sit on my own. I swat at mosquitos. I sweat. I shift my now soaked butt. I can no more focus on the question at hand than a cat can help shedding.

I'm also learning to write more spontaneously. Someone says to me, "WRITE NOW" and my mind goes blank. Sentences become stilted and elementary. I write things like "I am from the woods."

I've also learned a great deal about what makes for a "sense of place" for me. It takes me a long time. I go out into the woods with the task of finding something to observe and describe and I look for places like my home in RI- something with roots (with a capital 'R'), with a nook to sit in, with shelter. I am still musing on this.

And so, for the moment, I learn more about myself than what's around me, but I progress. Slower than my classmates, but I'm learning. Perhaps you can teach an old laina new tricks